Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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