WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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