I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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