paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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