I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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