Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
