if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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