i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize