I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
