So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
