bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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