My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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