I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
