when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
