did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
