what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
