Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
