i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
They took my balls.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
