Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So gin and wine won't be happening again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
