I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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