Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
