He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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