i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
