i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
