I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
