So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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