Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
