Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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