I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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