You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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