Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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