found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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