My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
