is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize