My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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