I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
