I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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