but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
