my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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