I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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