There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
