Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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