forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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