i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
