and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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