babies were throwing up all over the place
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize