I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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