dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize