I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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