It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
