umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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