Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
