I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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