I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
