i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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