Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
