I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
