So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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