He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
