Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
