I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
