Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
