This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
