my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We got so high we made milksteak
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
