she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
