Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
