dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
